Archive for the 'Politics' Category

Rush Almighty

Friday, March 6th, 2009

So, is Rush Limbaugh the defacto leader of the Republican Party? Personally, I don’t know if I care or not. Since their choices seem reduced to either completely sack-less leadership or batshit-crazy leadership, either way it’s a win for me. I am enjoying the sight of the party in a desperate scramble for meaning and significance. It’s almost as if they don’t know they’re completely and utterly in the minority now. A crippling election has come and gone, and they still seem to think that the majority of Americans trust them to fix the financial crisis. They still believe that “bipartisan” means the Democrats caving in to their every demand. They still trot out that tired, never-ran cliche of socialism as if the American public hasn’t failed to be terrified by it the last few thousand times. And they still blame the Democratic party for all that is wrong in the world, from the failing economy to the cost of health care – the GOP even seems to think the Democrats are responsible for the clusterfuck their own party has become.

The right can push these absurd meme that it’s some kind of Obama / Reid / Pelosi/ Carville conspiracy that elevated Rush to his faux leadership role within the GOP, but it’s just not true. There were a few factors that allowed Rush to gain so much clout within the party’s base. The biggest one is that the party doesn’t really have any leadership. They ran a weak Presidential candidate, chosen from an entire field of bullshit-weak candidates. Their supposed diamond in the rough is back up in Alaska, blissfully being forgotten by the majority of America. The minority leaders in Congress are both laughably unable to deliver leadership, and are selling a bill of goods that the country just isn’t buying.

Oh, and there’s the fact that Rush appeals to the absolute wing-nuttiest of the wingnuts. He’s certainly got that going for him.

But this idea that it’s an orchestrated effort between the Democrats and the media to cause tension between Rush and the supposed Republican leadership is absurd. It wasn’t the Democrats that put him on the air, or cowtowed to his lunatic rantings. Barack Obama didn’t enlist Rush to be a key speaker at the Conservative Political Action Conference this past week (where he received an award, I believe, for  outstanding achievement in the field of excellence). And unless I missed some very creating video editing, James Carville wasn’t responsible for Michael Steele’s on-air fellating of Limbaugh after he dared to assert that Rush is an entertainer, and a crude one at that.

No no, boys. The Republicans own this one. They have only themselves to blame both for their inability to inspire their constituents and for their willingness to use Limbaugh as such a useful tool. A reliable attack dog who could say the sorts of hideous things that elected politicians never could. No one on the right minded when Rush defended eight years of the Worst President Ever, because it was convenient to let someone else do that dirty job. Hell, even Rush admitted afterwards that he was “carrying water” for Bush. Live on his show, no less. They invited a selfish, beligerent junkie into their homes, and now they’re surprised that he’s shitting all over the living room carpet.

Must be more of that “politics of personal responsibility” we’ve seen so much of over the past decade.

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The Good Doctor

Friday, February 20th, 2009


Hunter S. Thompson
 
Never turn your back on fear.
It should always be in front of you,
like a thing that might have to be killed.
 
Hunter Stockton Thompson
7/18/37 – 2/20/05



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Clearing Brush

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

So, the inauguration went off pretty much like everyone thought it would – first date jitters between Obama and Roberts aside. The harpy-toothed right will try to make noise about Obama’s oath. They’ll sight his middle name, since they’re still not over it after a year and a half. They’ll accuse him of thief’s guilt via his stammered, over anxious recitation – as if the far right has any ground to stand on in terms of their main man bungling his lines in public. And the tin foil hat brigade will claim that the variation of the Presidential oath means that Obama isn’t really the President – right after they remind us that his birth certificate was clearly photoshopped by time traveling al Queda agents.

His speech was mostly what I expected. I was surprised to hear him include non-believers in his littany of religious groups that need to come together. It was such a wonderful contrast to the hateful little tirade that one Williard M. Romney went on just about one year go. And his handling of race – specifically his race – was deft as ever. Managing to talk about his status as a minority in the country that elected him, segregation, slavery and racism without ever referring to himself (or anyone else) as “black” or “African-American”. I don’t know if it’s his way of refusing to create contrasts or if he’s just trying to avoid the out-of-context sound bite potential that our media loves to replay in place of actual news, but he executed it as well as he ever has.

There were times in the speech that he grew more forceful than I expected (and I welcomed them). He also grew a bit more flowery towards the end than I would have preferred. I understand that his speeches are a bit of poetry and a bit of performance art, but I felt like the last paragraph or so was crafted using some sort of Random Cliche Generator. But the thing that stuck out most in my mind about the speech was how he handled George W. Bush. He essentially thanked him for his service to our country, and then proceeded on to a list of ways that our country has gone straight to hell in the past eight years. It wasn’t quite the full-on Colbert, but it was a hell of a lot nicer than I would have been. Of course, I’m also not the President right now. Maybe those two things are related.

But on this day when I’m supposed to be celebrating The End of an Error, all I can think about is that bloody error of a man, grumping down into the collar of his coat, staring back at Barack Obama. All I can see is that stonewalled glare as Obama talked about the false choice between freedom and safety. I wonder if Bush is relieved. If it’s a load off of his mind to no longer have to worry about the burdens and responsibilities of office. If like every other endeavor he’s attempted over the course of his snake-bitten life, he’s happy to let someone else clean up his mess. After all, now he can go home to Kennebunkport (the ranch in Crawford is as much of a prop as the man who owns it), slip on his comfies, and try to figure out why David Letterman chuckles so hard whenever he sees a video clip of Bush trying to walk in a straight line.

And yet, he just isn’t disappearing down the memory hole quietly enough or quickly enough. Part of that has to do with his whirlwind Legacy Tour, where he and Cheney and Condi and that whole wacky, lovable crew you remember from their hit television show “Terrorists Are Going To Fucking Kill You” give interviews to every reporter and pundit that will feign interest long enough to let them speak. And their message is pretty much the same every time. History will vindicate them. The world will thank them. And seriously, y’all, it’s not torture if the prisoner doesn’t actually die.

When Bush is compared to Nixon, my heart swells. Not just because Bush is left to justify his existence against one of the worst Presidents in American history, but because he fails to do so. Even Nixon’s most vocal and unkind critics viewed Tricky Dick favorably in comparison. And truly, even if he could prove his primacy over Richard Nixon, there are no medals for second-to-last place. “Nixon was a professional politician, and I despised everything he stood for – but if he were running for president this year against the evil Bush-Cheney gang, I would happily vote for him.” – Hunter S. Thompson

This same Revisionist Army has tried to compare Bush to Truman and Lincoln (both Presidents who left office unpopular, but were vindicated later). The comparison to Truman is bad enough – Truman’s tenure in the White House was marked by the firm belief that no matter who had caused a problem, as President it was his responsibility to set things right. And whether he actually coined the phrase or not, “The Buck Stops Here” will be forever associated with Harry Truman. Bush, by contrast, never came across a problem that was either his fault for causing or his job to fix. From 9/11 to the phantom Iraqi WMDs to the drowning of New Orleans to the meltdown of our economy to the torture of prisoners in American custody, Bush was mysteriously never culpable. Nor did he ever make any efforts to correct the crises of his Presidency with even the slightest whiff of competency.

But to compare a cretin like Bush to a giant like Lincoln is just beyond the pale. I’m going on record right now and predicting that, in a century’s time, no one will be using the nickname “Honest Bush”. At his lowest, Bush excuses his excesses by comparing them to the excesses of Lincoln’s Presidency, and justifies them similarly. Now with all due respect to those that have fought and served and sacrificed over the past seven years, anyone who suggests that some backwards bunch of brainwashed holy warriors scheming in the mountains of Afghanistan threatened the stability of our country on the same level as the Civil War needs to walk the cemetery at Gettysburg and realize that those hoary stones mark a just fraction of the good men wasted in three short days of combat.

There is no need to wait for history to obscure the details in a battle fog of conflicting punditry and rosy nostalgia. George W. Bush was, is and forever will be a miserable failure, from his ape-gait lumber to his spoiled child certainty to his ghastly inability to refrain from smirking when invoking the memory of the dead. But worse than that, he was an empty-headed creature. A pseudo-folksy front man for a band of Pollyanna armchair generals who see the world as their own personal political rutting ground. Men who thought the domino theory that worked so bloody well in Vietnam was worth trying again – only this time in reverse and in a region far less stable. Not that any of them were around to see the domino theory in action. Like Dick Cheney, they all had other priorities.

So consider this my grand goodbye to George W. Bush. The man who single handedly made Presidential elections a two-year affair, born from the public’s urgent desire for a real leader. The man who forced us to laugh, though never with him. The man who cast America before the eyes of the world as a self-righteous, egomaniacal bully. The man who rode this country through an agonizing eight-year slow-motion T.J. Kong bomb drop of ignorant, warmongering insanity.

He will not be missed.

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On Senators

Sunday, January 4th, 2009

So, I don’t really think I need to go into some great big diatribe about Rod Blagojevich. He’s a charlatan and a crook, and he’s lucky that we are a nation of laws, because that means that his punishment will not include being strung up in downtown Chicago and beaten to death with flaming, barbed wire baseball bats. That he insists on carrying on as if he’s still a legitimate leader is symptomatic of our times. We live in a kingdom of shamelessness, where there is no such thing as disgrace or dignity, only jeuvenile foot stomping and, apparently, seven dollar haircuts. When acting like a whore, whether it’s in Hollywood or Washington or Chi-town, is apparently enough to keep your name in the press.

And I’m not at all impressed with Blago’s “brilliant” bit of strategy, selecting a second rate public servant with no personal integrity to fill Obama’s spot in some callous attempt to play the race card. Yep. Burris is black. And no, I don’t give a shit. He’s unfit to take the position, and the reasoning is very simple. Any person who would willingly accept Rod Blagojevich’s offer, knowing what sickly corruption his administration functions beneath, is unfit to serve in the Senate. Any man that lacks the integrity or the common bloody sense to say, “No, I won’t be a part of this!” is unfit to fill the seat. And don’t scoff. Rumor has it that Burris was Blago’s third pick, because the first two turned him down rather than sully their names. Add to that the fact that Burris went from being outraged to being willing to let the courts decide whether he should be outraged about the seat selling in the first place, and you know what? Fuck Ronald Burris. Even for a politician, that’s an amazing lack of class.

On the sunny side of the Senate, it looks like Norm Coleman, a man who looks so unelectably sleazy I wouldn’t even leave him in the same room as other peoples’ daughters, is going to be packing up his shit and moving back home to Minnesota, because Al Franken squeaked by at the end of the recount. There are still some legal hoops Coleman can make Franken jump through, but the deal is essentially done. Fraken is a senator, and Coleman is a has-been. I hope it burns that he lost to a guy who has pictures of himself wearing a fuzzy, pink bunny suit on the internet.

And I hope Franken keeps on being Franken, because as sarcastic as he can be as a comic, I’ve heard the man talk politics and he’s for real. In fact, I’ve heard him give a first rate schooling to plenty a pundit and representative that thought they were safe behind a carefully crafted wall of empty talking points. And that’s the reason I want to see him in the Senate. Because the man is a fastidious bullshit detector, and he gets more than a “this supports my side” understanding of the details before he opens his mouth. And for all the talk of “outsider-ism”, he truly is an outsider in terms of the political system in Washington. And if nothing else, his election to public office probably gave Bill O’Rielly another ulcer. And that’s something I’m sure we can all take a little joy in.

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I’m Sick

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

I’m sick of being told that America is an inert nation – a desperate scrabble-clawed lunge, the clouding breath of men who realize that the trouncing they took two weeks ago makes naked the lie that we are a nation unwilling to progress. I’m sick of hearing that a President who wins the American people by nine million votes must be cautious, but a President who wins by three million – after losing by a handful – has a mandate. I’m sick of these feckless, shallow men in empty grey suits manifesting on my television to tell me how bloody relevant their perpetually wrong opinions are. I’m sick of being told that America is a nation of limitations. Of small-mindedness. Of petty, knuckle wringing, back stabbing never-ran leaders living in infinite disconnect with the people they have promised to serve.

I’m sick of being ashamed of the things that my country does in the equatorial shadows of jingoism and false bravado. Of a government that should not, will not, and does not. Of empty smiles and tremendous egos asking me to tighten my belt because the yowling maw of imperious corruption knows no abatement. I’m sick of the very suggestion that the wholesale pillaging of my generation’s future is in our own best interest. Of the terms of our indenturement being draped in the flag of patriotism. Of being told that the bootprint on the back of my neck is some violet badge of courage.

I’m sick of the status quo being a benchmark instead of the minimum. Of the shrill chorus of hollow voices that have told us about all the things America cannot do out of one side of their mouths while attacking my love of my country out of the other. Of the audacity to mourn the passing of our darkest hours. Of the scalpel-mouthed minority staking out a surreal survival on the ragged edges of self delusion that tells me my America isn’t possible because theirs has failed them. Because theirs has failed us all.

I’m sick of being told that America cannot come together. That we are divided, sequestered by our beliefs. That the trivialities that separate us are insurmountable by the dreams that unite us. That fear of the “other” is a family value. That some damn fool ideological jigsaw puzzle version of our country, sliced along artificial borders, carved by ancient rivers, and sundered by the non-corporeal unreality of an electoral college makes us foreign to our brothers and sisters. That America must always be viewed as a Jackson Pollock in reds and blues. That I didn’t watch Americans – not liberals or conservatives, but Americans – carry their shared sorrow in buckets and their unbreakable resolve in their souls under the ghastly plumes of a mutual heartbreak.

I’m sick of being told that we cannot.

Yes we can.

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Child’s Play Oh Eight

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Although my posting this is kind of like the echo of an echo of an echo, I figured I’d let everyone know that Penny Arcade has officially launched Child’s Play for this year. I figure since the non-gamer contingent of my readership is likely much larger than it used to be, I’d give everyone a heads up. And rather than some mishmashed explanation of what Child’s Play is, I’ll just give you the blurb right from their website.

Since 2003, over 100,000 gamers worldwide have banded together through Child’s Play, a community based charity grown and nurtured from the game culture and industry. Over two million dollars in donations of toys, games, books and cash for sick kids in children’s hospitals across North America and the world have been collected since our inception.

This year, we have continued expanding across the country and the globe. With over 45 partner hospitals and more arriving every month, you can be sure to find one from the map above that needs your help! You can choose to purchase requested items from their online retailer wish lists, or make a cash donation that helps out Child’s Play hospitals everywhere. Any items purchased through Amazon will be shipped directly to your hospital of choice, so please be sure to select their shipping address rather than your own.

When gamers give back, it makes a difference!

This charity event has always hit home for me because, when I was in Kindergarten, I was one of those kids. Now, I was incredibly lucky that my stay was brief, I made a complete recovery, and I had two amazing parents who were there for me as often as I could want. Not every kid is that lucky. And even with those advantages, I remember what it was like sitting in that bloody hospital bed day after day. So Child’s Play is important to me.

To that end, I’m asking everyone who reads and enjoys my site to consider giving something to the charity. It doesn’t have to be an expensive purchase, and if you have a personal preference against video games, there are plenty of other toys, movies and incidentals to choose from – I usually go in for at least one set of Leggos in addition to whatever games I buy. Or you can make a straight donation. What’s great about Child’s Play is that Gabe and Tycho don’t have any sort of real overhead. Anything you donate will go right to the kids – about the closest thing they have do to overhead is paying to ship the donations to the various hospitals.

Last year they shattered the $1 million mark, which is pretty exciting on its own. I know everyone’s budget is a bit smaller this year, so we’re not all going to be ponying up for 360 Elites. But please consider giving something. And for all of you political wonks and malcontents out there, if this Presidential election has taught us anything, it’s that the small contributions of a large number of people can make all the difference in the world. Though really, if you have a heart at all, these letters should more or less put you on notice.

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Owlhunter

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

ORLY? You betcha!

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Laws, Not Men

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Every election cycle, there’s one concern that I hear from most of the people that I talk to about their candidate choices. Specifically, that those choices suck because they seem so much alike. I heard it constantly in 2000 (if only we knew). And I heard it a lot in 2004, where I agreed with it much less myself. I haven’t heard it very much now in 2008, which I take to be a good sign. People can see the distinctions between Obama and McCain – even those people that aren’t sure which one they are voting for today.

But most of the distinctions that I hear from people are surface noise. Campaign preferences. Stylistic choices at best. Very few people get deeper into the differences than their stances on Iraq and how much of a tax break they’ll be handing out. Maybe that’s what motivates some people, and hell, those are issues that motivate me. But what I don’t hear anything about is the most core difference between the Democratic and Republican offerings for President this year. And I reference them by the party as much as by the individual candidates because this difference has become pervasive across each party’s platform.

In 1776 some no good, rabble rousing, north-eastern commie liberal named Thomas Paine published a pamphlet titled Common Sense. It outlined, in very specific and articulate detail, the grievances that many colonists held against King George III and made the case for American independence. One of the core tenents of his pamphlet was that the rule of law is the only way to truly guarantee freedom from tyranny – because human beings were entirely to fallible. “For as in absolute governments the king is law, so in free countries the law ought to be king; and there ought to be no other.”

This same philosphy was later incorperated into the Massachusets Constitution by another of those north-eastern liberal elitists, John Adams. He drew a clear distinction of powers and roles for the legislative, executive and judicial branches of the government, explicitly stating that no member of one branch had any business wielding the power of another, “to the end it may be a government of laws and not of men.” This same guiding principle can be traced back to the Magna Carta and even to the establishment of habeas corpus. It does not guarantee that the law is always right, or that the law cannot be challenged. It simply states that the law is to be followed, and that those in power have neither the right nor the authority to usurp it.

Now to be fair, many Presidents from both parties have been guilty of violating this concept – including several whom I truly admire, such as Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt. Of course, there are a few that have placed themselves above the law for much less admirable reasons, and under much less dire circumstances. Nixon comes to mind quite easily. But the sum of all these infractions combined is dwarfed by the sheer scope and thoughtlessness that the Bush administration has overextended its authority since 9/11. You can argue that everything Bush did was for the good of the country – you’d be wronger than armpit flavored macaroons, but that’s beside the point. The ground I’m staking here has to do with the philosophy behind his actions, and what they say about our democracy.

This is all a matter of how a person views the law and, by extension, the founding principles of our government. There are many people in this country – and in the Bush administration especially – who see the law as an obstruction. A hinderance. As just another rule that should be ignored or avoided at all costs. If there is a way to technically avoid the legal requirements of the law, that is good enough. By renaming prisoners of war to enemy combatants, they figure they’re off the hook for obeying the Geneva Conventions. By renaming torture “enhanced interrogation” we can claim that we don’t torture prisoners. By claiming that the Vice President isn’t part of the executive or legislative branches, he can avoid the rules of ethics and oversight that govern his office. To them, the law is a nuisance. Some archiaic bunch of nonesense that they know better than. In short, they see the law as a burden.

It makes me sick.

I’m not going to tell you that every law we have on the books is brilliant or perfect. In fact, there are a lot of them I think should be changed. And we have processes to change them. But that process isn’t to simply disregard or ignore the ones we don’t approve of. Fulfilling the minimum legal requirement of the law is an empty gesture if you are knowingly breaking the spirit and intention of that law. We don’t prohibit torture because there is a law that says so. We prohibit torture because it is both heinous and ineffective. We don’t limit domestic spying simply because there are restrictions on the books, we limit it because it is an invasion of privacy.

It is simply not enough for our leaders to skate around the intention and the meaning of the law on the pretense of fulfilling it’s technical standards. They should be proud to fulfill the letter of the law, and proud of a country that secures such freedoms for its people. Our leaders should want to obey the law. Following the laws that govern and protect this country shouldn’t be seen as a punishment but as an act of patriotism. I know it sounds crazy to all of our cynical ears. But if we don’t have leaders that believe in our laws and believe in our government, how can we ever expect this system to work?

Listen, it’s obvious I have some pretty strong views about Sarah Palin. It’s not exactly a secret I was trying to keep. But at the most basic level, what I knew about her from very early on was that she sees our government and our laws as just another thing getting in her damn way. Her attitude upon being elected mayor of a town smaller than some high schools in this country was that she could do whatever she bloody well pleased until a court specifically told her she could not. That she wouldn’t even try to obey the law until she was legally forced to by another branch of her own government. Someone like that has no business being in in office, and certainly shouldn’t be allowed to shape the direction of the country. And whether John McCain either can’t see that, or just doesn’t care is a moot point. It renders them both unfit for office.

So for those of you that haven’t voted today, I want you to consider what sort of person you want in charge of your country for the next four, possibly eight years. And remember that, first and foremost, we are a nation of laws, not men.

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On Temptation

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

So, what should I be churning out this week? A pie chart of Sarah Palin’s campaign expenses? A venn diagram of things Joe The Plumber is and is not? Perhaps a comparison matrix of what socialism means depending on whether you are criminally stupid or not? To be honest, the temptation lingers. I do like selling t-shirts, after all.

But the truth is that I’m done with this campaign. Done with these characters. Am I surprised that Sarah Palin dropped $150,000 of donated money on some new threads? No. Not even a little bit. In fact, when I expressed the opinion that she’s just a self serving bitch hooked up to a perpetual ego machine, some people took offense. This whole wardrobe story is just more of the same from her. Is it any surprise that the former mayor who thought her power extended infinitely unless a court ordered her to obey the law would abuse her campaign contributors by dropping three times the median American family’s income on a wardrobe revamp? It wasn’t to me. And it shouldn’t have been for anyone willing to pierce the paper-thin veil of Hockey Mom Folks-ism to see the petty arrogance behind it.

On the up side, in about eleven days, Sarah Palin will be an afterthought. A cultural aberration. A punchline. Just another embarrassing footnote in the long line of minor tragedies and social disgraces that scar the political landscape. Jon Stewart and David Letterman will begrudgingly mourn her passing. Tina Fey will get to talk in her normal voice again. She won’t be coming back in four, eight, or even twelve years. She’s not a diamond in the rough. As Vice-Presidential candidates go, Sarah Palin couldn’t hold Dan Quayle’s coat.

Even the argument that she was George Bush in a dress (ewwww) doesn’t hold water. Bush had connections. He had “people”. He had his father’s money and his mother’s sneer. He knew, at the very least, that he’d better surround himself with people who knew what they were doing. And while he might not have done a bang up job – ever – he could at least hold a press conference. He had a proven track record. Admittedly, it was a record of feigning compentence long enough to drive whatever he was currently in charge of right into the ground. But hey, at least it was experience. The absurd part is that if Bush looked no different than McCain to many voters, he actually looked better than Palin. The revolting part is that the GOP ran her anyway.

As far as I can tell, there are really two bright spots to the Sarah Palin candidacy. The first, of course, was my flow chart. But the second (and I’m willing to concede, slightly more important) was the utter repudiation of the political myth that any asshole can get elected if they tow the party line and memorize their talking points. Palin did everything that a dim bulb in the spotlight could have possibly done to set up an infinite crecendo of false choices. She was a common sense, small town, America loving, Christian family mom, and her opponent was an eggheaded, city-slick, secret Muslim terrorist.

And it failed.

Do you hear that, traditional media? The politics of character assassination, the up-and-under shiv to the fear centers of your panicky audience’s frontal lobes missed, and missed badly. Even the pundits who carried water for eight years of the most unpopular President in American history are unable or unwilling to attach their names and reputations to Sarah Palin. Hell, her own campaign staff can hardly defend her. Maybe. . . just maybe, the American public is getting sick and tired of The Stupid.

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Plumbing The Depths

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Let’s get this out of the way right at the beginning. With John McCain trailing in the national polls by anywhere from five to fourteen points, and with his electoral college prospects putting him at anywhere from a 2:1 to even a 3:1 disadvantage, McCain needed to knock Obama flat on his ass in order to have a chance at winning the election. And he didn’t. In fact, he didn’t even come close. To be fair, this was McCain’s best debate performance thus far. He was more aggressive than the first debate, and he didn’t wander around the stage in a daze like in the second debate. He even got his creepy reptile tongue under control – for the most part. The problem was that Obama was also on top of his game tonight, and after being stymied by the Phony Town Hall format of the second debate, Obama seemed eager to go toe-to-toe with McCain. This was a very aggressive Barack Obama, and he cut exactly the right figure tonight. He hammered McCain on his mischaracterizations without coming off as a jerk or (if you’re a jackass Congressman from Virginia) “uppity”.

McCain vowed to bring up William Ayers and ACORN at this third debate and he made good on that promise. I’m sure the base was atwitter with excitement. To be honest, so was I. I’ve grown tired of hearing about Big Bad Bill Ayers, and Obama took the opportunity to shoot the comparison down. He even did so without resorting to a Keating Five remark. It would have been within the scope of the discussion, but it also would have validated McCain’s fearmongering to compare the two relationships. The truth is that most people either didn’t know about Bill Ayers, or else they had some vague idea of who he was. McCain didn’t make the case thoroughly enough to damage Obama before he slapped the issue down. I thought from the very beginning (when Hillary floated the concept) that it was a losing tactic. McCain probably could have pushed back and inflamed the issue, but as soon as he met with resistance, he backed down. For a moment, just for a moment, I almost felt sorry for pre-defeated John McCain. Then he did that creepy tongue thing and my pity turned back into disgust.

As for the ACORN business, that remained unresolved. I’d have liked it if Obama had asked McCain who gave ACORN’s keynote speech in 2006 (hint: That Other One), but I think he honestly just didn’t want to dwell on the subject. It was part of his technique of not going tit-for-tat with accusations that left McCain looking like the candidate focusing on non-issues. It didn’t help Johnie Boy any that he described a couple hundred phony voter registrations as “perpetrating the greatest fraud” against democracy. With the $700 billion clusterfuck on Wall Street fresh in our minds, and an illegal, unnecessary war in Iraq that went from lasting six weeks to six years, all under the auspices of the Republican party, McCain really should have better checked his language. His exaggeration was Obama’s gain.

I’ll give McCain credit though, he tried to hit a classic Rovian note – by playing the outraged victim of smear attacks himself. But like every other part of his campaign, it was a shaky premise with no follow through. And he failed to address Obama’s counter-accusation that McCain’s own running mate, Sarah Palin, says Obama “pals around with terrorists” on an almost daily basis. It was there that McCain shifted from Rovian rope-a-dope into stuttering deafness. It was his emergency fallback position throughout the night. Whenever Obama refuted his position or brought up an inconvenient fact, McCain simply restated his original position without reaction. The public has seen that batch of stupid for the past eight years in our current President. We’re bloody tired of it.

Pro-Tip: The trick to a successful rope-a-dope, John, is being tough enough and tenacious enough to withstand your opponent’s attacks until he wears himself out with over-eager aggression. Truthfully, you don’t have the stamina to pull it off, and Obama is too clever to go off on a nasty tear during a debate.

Truly, though, the highlight of the evening, and the moment that most people will remember, was McCain’s deer in headlights moment. I swear, it was Palin-esque. The short of it is that McCain either misunderstood Obama’s health care plan or he figured he could lie about it without being called out on his inaccuracy. Obama wasn’t having it, though, and considering how the night progressed up to that point, I’m surprised McCain had the balls to try for such an obviously fraudulent claim. Realisitically, I think McCain was genuinely shocked at Obama’s response. I don’t think he had any idea about the exemption for small businesses. It was sloppy debating on McCain’s part, and it made him look uninformed and just plain stupid. Ah, to hell with that. It made him look Sarah Palin Stupid.

And speaking of Sarah Palin Stupid, it must have taken every last ounce of willpower Obama had, when asked why he thought Joe Biden would make a better Vice President than Sarah Palin, not to burst out laughing in Bob Schieffer’s face. At first, I thought he was going to pussy out and take the super-high-road. For the most part, that’s what he did, by talking up Biden and more or less leaving Palin’s inadequecy as an unspoken truth. But right at the end of his response, Obama expressed confidence that Biden could lead the country if, heaven forbid, something were to happen to him. It was an innoccuous and even self defferential comment, but it was also deadly clever. Because unspoken in the pregnant pause before John McCain began his response, everyone watching the debate had the same thought. “What if something were to happen to McCain?” And I can assure you, the non-stupid majority of America isn’t buying a ticket for that logic train.

And if there is one guy I never, ever want to hear about again (though we all know I will), it’s Joe The Fucking Plumber. Both Obama and McCain were guilty of constantly, endlessly, laborously taking every economic issue they had to discuss and turning it into a refferendum on Joe The Plumber’s very own personal financial situation. There is no annoyance scale capable of scoring my hatred for the phrase “Joe The Plumber”. It’s worth at least ten “My Friends”s, and perhaps as many as fifteen “You Betcha”s. Truly, it was the hokey, hackneyed lowlight of the entire debate. I certainly didn’t expect, going in, to hear Joe The Plumber’s name referenced more often than Ayers, more often than Sarah Palin. It just didn’t make sense.

At least, not at first. I mean, the whole tedious, hokey process of relating every last scrap of economic information to the life of Joe The Plumber just struck me as out of place. It seemed to trivialize what was otherwise a very important discussion – and to be honest, Joe The Plumber wasn’t even a very good “everyman” because his income is far higher than the national average and even substantially higher than most small business owners. And yet both Obama and McCain continued, relentlessly and unerringly, to treat Joe The Plumber as if he was not just a metric to judge their economic plans but the only applicable standard by which to gauge the economy. Suspiscions ablaze, I did a bit of digging into this Joe The Plumber guy and what I found, quite frankly, shocked me. . .

Down Jones Industrial Average via Joe The Plumber

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