Moosehunter
So, I’ve been quiet thus far, but I figure it’s about time I went moose hunting. So let me start off nice and big for ya, in case there’s any doubt as to where I stand. Sarah Palin is a stupid, self important, ignorant bitch who I wouldn’t put in charge of wiping her own ass. And it’s not just that she’s dumb – which she is – it’s that she’s willfully ignorant of the facts and yet absolutely dead-bang certain that she’s right about her opinions. It’s more of this “governing from the gut” bullshit that we’ve been Chimping along with for the past eight years. I don’t know why it’s a taboo to say someone is too dumb to be President. Hell, most people don’t have the kind of mental sharpness necessary. That’s why it’s so important to pick the right person out of an entire country of potential leaders. But Sarah Palin? She’s not even worth considering. She’s fucking dumb, okay?
And since we’re talking about things you can’t talk about, let’s talk about her pregnant teenage daughter! Here’s now this works. Bristol being pregnant, deciding to keep the baby, and having her little shotgun wedding? I don’t give a rat’s ass. It doesn’t affect my life in the slightest. But it damn well is fair political game, and I’ll tell you why. Sarah Palin supports abstinence only education in spite of the fact that it demonstratably doesn’t work. Don’t believe me? Why not ask the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Public Health Association, the Society for Adolescent Medicine and the American College Health Association. Go ahead and Wiki it. I’ll wait.
The reason that Bristol’s pregnancy is fair game is that her mother is telling America, in the face of any scientific data on the subject, how best to prevent teenage pregnancy. Yet the method she supports didn’t even work on her own daughter. Does that mean people should be making fun of Bristol? No, actually. I kind of feel bad for the girl. It must be rough having such a stupid, arrogant git for a mother.
And she is arrogant, make no mistake. Hell, it’s arrogant enough for her to assume that she could be the Vice President without even knowing what the job entails. But here’s a more specific story that should snap-freeze the hairs on your neck. When she became mayor of Wasilla, she spent around $50,000 of taxpayer money redecorating her office. Which is pretty obnoxious on its own, but isn’t even the bad part of the story. When she was confronted with the radical idea that The People might not give a shit whether she liked the pattern on the drapes, she responded with the sort of self important authoritarianism that makes Dick Cheney soak his own trousers. “I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.”
To hell with the Vice Presidency, she didn’t even understand the responsibilities and limitations of her job as mayor. Her attitude, at any given moment, is that she’s in charge and she’ll do whatever she damn well pleases until someone forces her to stop. I’m sure she sees that as just some red-tape-cutting common sense. And you know what? If you’re in charge of your local PTA meeting, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Wittle away some of the pointless procedure and get things done. Fine. But the Vice President and, I shudder to even think it, the President of the United States can’t just ignore the Constitution whenever it suits them. No matter what the past eight years suggest.
So before I get to her debate performance, I’d like to do a bit of a run down. A list, if you will, of the things we’ve learned about Sarah Palin from her very limited, groomed, handled private interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.
- Sarah Palin isn’t sure what the Bush Doctrine is. She couldn’t even take a wild guess. Everyone who heard her ask “In what respect, Charlie?” knew it, no matter what sort of semantics argument you want to get into over what different meanings that phrase has encompassed.
- Sarah Palin doesn’t know that Freddie Mac and Fannie May weren’t being funded by the federal government before their collapse.
- Sarah Palin thinks that the $700 billion bailout has something to do with health care costs.
- Sarah Palin can only name one Supreme Court case – Roe v. Wade. She couldn’t even conjure up Dred Scott, which even Bush was able to do in the second debate with John Kerry. Speaking of Bush, she couldn’t think of Bush v. Gore. Or Brown v. Board of Education. Or Hustler v. Falwell. Or FCC v. Pacifica (Carlin’s seven words). Or, and this is most stunning of all, Exxon v. Baker – concerning the Exxon Valdez. A case which rendered a ruling during her time as Governer of Alaska, and about which she made public statements in protest of the decision.
- Sarah Palin either could not or would not name a single newspaper or magazine that she reads. She couldn’t think of one. Not the New York Times, the Daily News, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune. Not Time, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Reports. Hell, she couldn’t even think of a local paper in Alaska. Sarah Palin, by the way, has a degree in Journalism. No shit.
- Sarah Palin cannot name a single instance of John McCain favoring regulation of industry, despite being more than willing to lie right into the camera and say that McCain has been championing regulation for twenty-six years.
There’s probably more, but I could be here all night. The point is, she doesn’t know shit about shit. She has opinions – uninformed ones – and she’s sticking to them come hell or high water. I pity the poor bastards that had to prep her for tonight’s debate with Joe Biden. And while I wasn’t taken with her performance, I will give them credit. They made an organized mess out of a disorganized disaster. So there’s that.
The truth is that Palin didn’t answer any questions she didn’t want to tonight, and she said she’d do exactly that at the start of the debate. She had a hand full of index cards and a brain full of buzz words, and it was her job to say them all in front of the camera. Actually, it was her job to say them while looking at Joe Biden for five seconds, then looking at the camera for five seconds, and then looking back at Biden to start over again. It was like she was on a timer. One of the many things she’d probably been coached on after the whole flap about McCain not looking Obama in the eyes.
I choose to leave you (at 4:30 in the morning) with the following flow chart. Doubtless, it will grow prettier and more robust over time.
honestly. i love you. you’re brilliant. marry me.
Excellent flow-chart.
But — I keep wondering why everybody seems so shocked at the idea of a VP that doesn’t know anything. Does Dan Quayle ring any bells?
Of course, I can’t say it often enough — Palin is really Shrub (George W.) in a dress. All folksy chit-chat, the IQ of an oil slick, and someone you better never ever never turn your back on. I have to admit, I never thought anyone could make Shrub look like a reasonably smart man, but Palin sure comes close.
Build a tower to heaven, indeed.
Greetings from Amsterdam. You’re world famous, man. That flow chart is pure tonic after a day of listening to pundits pat Palin on the back for not vomiting on the lectern.
I love your flowchart–it’s brilliant.
Yes to all that you say!
I have to twitter your blog and hope that TV news shows pick it up.
Delusional. You people are delusional. Everyone talks about how unqualifed Gov Palin is. Please. She has more experience in her hand than Barack Obama. All of those statements that suppose to resemble fact, but you ignore the false statements of McCain. Let me be clear for those who lack the understanding to comprehend.
You harp about how Gov Palin does not have experience and that scares you. But what scares me is the fact third world countries are funding your candidates campaign with bogus names and locations.Overall YOU people scare me. Because you wake up in the morning asking yourself what you can do to help Obama or McCain win. When you should be asking yourself what you can do for this country to push us all onto a path of prosperity and a better future.
There is no such thing as placing a man, any man or woman, over your country. There is no such thing as placing a political party, be it Democratic or Republican, over the welfare of the people in our country. This bloggers article is downright worthless. Your focus on trivial matters when so much is happening in this world is downright ignorance. Blogs such as Daily Kos, Huffington Post, and Taylor March are no better than blogger prostitutes who will blog and write anything for the Obama campaign without bothering to check the facts for money.
Instead of focusing on the issues and the message you rather spend your time putting down the other ticket and why people should not vote for McCain & Palin. But you cant even tell anyone why the hell they should vote for Senator Obama. The reason we get sorry elected officials is because of low information voters like yourself who are making charts and calling people “bitches”.
You are no better than the MSM who distort the facts and report it as the truth. Do you honestly believe that Senator Obama will win? I would lie cheat and steal and join Obama supporters in the morgue while they are registering voters for to keep him out the White House. This man has destroyed our community by using our backs in the black community as a stepping stone to make it to the White House without once coming to our communities or addressing our needs. With you all screaming “racist” for every little thing while at the same time ruining everything our civil rights leaders fought and died for. Remember this well Obama supporters. It will be: A. COLD. DAY.IN. HELL before any of us sit quietly aside and watch you destroy our communites by hurting our chances to get black elected officials who have actually done something for us into office. Because everyone will remember this election and how race baiting became a strategy and racial pandering became a political tactic.
You Obama supporters from Daily Kos to Taylor Marsh want him to win you better work for it and work for it hard. You believe in someone, I believe in something. Your loyal to Obama. I am loyal to this country. I dont care who you are, who you support, or what political party you belong to. IF you think Obama will get a blank check in November you are sadly mistaken. Call me what you will. Call me what you want. To each is own. You are going to have a fight on your hand 4 Nov.
Dear God, please tell me you all are registered voters in America! I felt like I was watching a clip of a Cohen Bros. sequel to Fargo where the sheriff gets picked to run for VP.
I love you. Thanks so much. I have been physically ill about this year’s Republican offerings. Hell, I’ve been depressed for eight years…This is the only thing recently that has cheered me up.
Awesome! Please consider posting the flowchart at:
http://graphjam.com/
Thanks!!
Seriously, awesome flowchart! Apparently she’s not gaining much popularity either! http://www.unfuse.com/decisions/75-Palin-vs-Biden-VP-Debate/finalize
I love you man. Brilliant as always.
I do agree Biden did a better job at debating (he must be a Masterdebater).
If you think Sarah is dangerous because she’s stupid, it’s of little concern. What items of importance are ever given to the VP to handle? (none, they just go out hunting with their friends)
BUT, Obama IS dangerous because he’s NOT stupid, just dangerous.
(kind of like Pelosi but without the balls)
All elections are basically selecting the lesser of two evils.
I consider the Republican ticket to be the least dangerous of these two evils.
Go, go Sarah-cudda!
Your chart is brilliant and it’s going viral. As a spotter of naked Emperors, you are right up there. Thanks for telling the truth and also making me smile.
this is fabulous! i’ve been ckuckling since i opened my email this a.m. and promptly forwarded it on…great work!
my only wish is that it said something about how she thinks she’s a “master-debater” now that she’s graduated from debate camp (and i only suggest this because you state “it may grow prettier…” etc). LOVE IT! thank you!
Thank you for understanding! Listening to the right wing wackos she’s god’s gift to this country, instead, she’s another Dick Cheney (except dumb), better yet, she is Bush in Drag! Can’t say “nuclear” either, and that with a degree in journalism!
so it seems you are capable of rational thought at 4am – who knew! ;)
There is anything either more ignorant arrogant than your rantings. Perhaps you are on par with Rep. Frank who made this incriminating statement while on the highway to hell. Enjoy.
“Rep. Frank: I do think I do not want the same kind of focus on safety and soundness that we have in OCC [Office of the Comptroller of the Currency] and OTS [Office of Thrift Supervision]. I want to roll the dice a little bit more in this situation towards subsidized housing. . . . “
Excellent job, this flow Chart is awesome as was your article.
I’m in love with you because of your flowchart.
“Can you tell a heartwarming story about being a hockey mom?”
The answer is always YES! rofl
You sir, are my new hero. Brilliant flowchart. And thank you for articulating why I hold such disdain for Sarah Palin. She’s a clown. An no-talent hack with no fundamental understanding of the issues she supposedly feels so passionate about. Yet she’s rises to power because voters and the media eat up her “golly shucks” routine. This is exactly how I felt about GWB in 2000. I pray to God history does not repeat itself.
Adan Nak’s Flow Chart of Palin’s Debating Style (How to Deal with All Those Darned Questions!)
Wonkette sez:This is pretty much perfect, except maybe somewhere you could squeeze in, “That Joe person is crying about his dead family?! – Shout Maverick several times,” which is something that happened.It is awesome. It is going VIRAL. And it
One commenter on TommyWonk said she sounded like “an iPod on shuffle.”
Great Blog. Not going to elaborate. It’s just a fantastic blog.
Great map of a fundamentalist’s brain. With your permission I’ll pass it on.
You don’t debate with someone who doesn’t believe in debate. You don’t debate with someone who thinks he/she is always right and never make mistakes. You don’t debate with someone who thinks there is no such thing as evolution.
You just speak and listen to this person speak. And hope he or she will never be in a position to nominate Supreme Justices.
The flow chart is the best! Thank you!
You made my day (wink) also. :-)
more palin flowcharting here:
http://www.slate.com/id/2201158/
WARNING: not for diagramming lightweights
fabulous! thank you!
Sorry to bring your fan club to a screeching halt, but to say that Palin is a stupid ignorant bitch destroys anything else important that you might have to say. That’s just plain idiocy. And as for being arrogant and bullish, find me a politician who isn’t. Why are you so compelled to pull out such common presidential attributes and present them as if they are some evil, deviant Palin trait… in spite of the fact that she isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
But, the flow chart is witty, hilarious, and half accurate.
You’re a douche
Amen
Brilliant flow chart. We’d love to post a link to your photo on our web 2.0 satire blog (that has become surprisingly political). In particular, you should check out the reason why Palin can’t do much more than recite facts she just learned, or tell hockey-mom stories: she’s a drone. A Palin-drone (and yes, she reverses herself whenever she can).
Czechit here: http://yooryoo.com/2008/09/evil-robotic-firm-unleashes-palin-drones-on-the-world/
Dood, that flowchart is fokken hilarious.
But it’s not just Palin’s: it is basically the Republican boilerplate from Reagan on.
Fortunately, the shit is shit, and Americans are just not buying it anymore.
HO $H!T. Love this. Hope you don’t mind I co-opted (with attribution of course) your flow chart (linked from a Gawker commenter). Sheer, unadulterated brilliance.
That was the most vicious letter I have ever read. As far as abstenance is concerned it is the only safe route to go. I sure practiced it until marriage. Why should I share my body with every Tom , Dick and Harry or even the one I married until I am doggone ready. I wanted to look forward to my wedding night , and believe me all 11 of my siblings felt the same and no whoopses in our family I can assure you. It seems they are making schools turn into houses of Ill repute. Man that was a bad attack on Palen and I do not care if she runs or not. , I hope my beautiful grad daughters practice abstenance and they will never regret it. Read your Bible!!!!!
Your flowchart is amazing, and so true! I can’t wait for it to grow and get prettier.
I’ve just discovered you.
And now, I’m never letting go.
Genius. I couldn’t agree more with you.
Your flow chart is pure genius. Thanks!
Equally genius is your analysis of Sarah Stupid.
I was very troubled by what, in retrospect, was a carefully structured and successful attempt by the right wing to intimidate the “mainstream media.” They rained criticism on Katie Couric and what they termed “gotcha” questions (you know, “gotcha” is the present tense, “betcha” is the future tense). They staged a preemptive attack on Gwen Ifill.
Result? Gwen clearly pulled punches. She failed to challenge Palin to answer her questions, and tossed mainly softballs all night long. She should have cut Palin off as soon as she said, “I’m not going to answer your question” and given the time to Biden. Had Gwen done that once or twice, we might have heard something more than talking points. And the post-debate analysis might have been more properly critical of a stupid nobody who got 30% just for showing up.
Keep it coming! Mel (www.melsnyder.blogspot.com)
Trig Palin = Tag Romney. They share him.
The chart is magnificent.
Really like the diagram – clever stuff – I’ll reference your blog and the diagram in my site (http://www.palinomaly.com) check it out!
i like the flowchart a lot. may i put that in my blog? thx!
greet from jakarta!
Hey, just check this out:
(CNN) — An analysis carried out by a language monitoring service said Friday that Gov. Sarah Palin spoke at a more than ninth-grade level and Sen. Joseph Biden spoke at a nearly eighth-grade level in Thursday night’s debate between the vice presidential candidates.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/03/debate.words/
They also note:
“Palin, governor of Alaska and the GOP vice presidential nominee, used the passive voice in 8 percent of her sentences, far more than the 5 percent used by the Democratic senator from Delaware.
The analysis noted that the “passive voice can be used to deflect responsibility; Biden used active voice when referring to [Vice President Dick] Cheney and [President] Bush; Palin countered with passive deflections.”
“It obscures the doer of the action,”
Palin isn’t so much dumb (although I think even W is smarter than her) as willfully ignorant. The lowest level of knowledge is ‘not knowing what you don’t know’. Palin is smart enough to know she is ignorant of many things. And stupid enough to think that ignorance is bliss, better than smart, etc.
Overall great post, flow chart says more than a thousand words. The ship was the Exxon Valdez – named for the AK town. It is pronounced there as val DEZE, which is different than the Hispanic pronunciation of the same word in the south west.
I have a personal reason to be fussy about that. The ex is an environmental engineer, still in AK, who spent 6 months in Prince William Sound during the clean up. He had previously been in charge of the AK DEC Hazardous waste section. When he quit, the pipeline terminal had all the gear necessary for a clean up stored in one area, and they were mandated to do annual spill practice exercizes. But they quit doing them, moved the gear all over the place where it took forever to find when they needed it, and the spill was many times worse than it should have been.
Genius flowchart. I have just found my new fave blog. Thanks DKos!
Will be posting this on myspace as well as emailing out to my peeps.
May we soon send this idiotic, insulting, condescending bitch back to where she came from.
\
You mention “The reason that Bristol’s pregnancy is fair game is that her mother is telling America, in the face of any scientific data on the subject, how best to prevent teenage pregnancy. Yet the method she supports didn’t even work on her own daughter.”
Errr… it didn’t work on Sarah Palin herself, either. She bore her first child at about seven months into the marriage, a marriage which took place with no announcement, no family present, no party, no church, and with witnesses – complete strangers! – who were shanghaied from the nursing home across the street from the town hall.
I’d care not at all about her reproductive life if I could get her to stop trying to legislate mine.
Great flowchart. This is becoming very popular here in the Philippines, where initially a lot of people liked Palin.
>Sarah Palin, by the way, has a degree in Journalism.
Wh–no, come on. Really? I’m sorry, but this has got to be a put-on. Or a crazy internet rumour. And she couldn’t answer the question, “what newspapers have you been reading?”
Because I’ve been saying for days (I love that flow chart too, btw) that the newspaper gaffe is really the best of them all. I know, I know, being unaware of the Bush Doctrine or of Supreme Court decisions might have more bearing on our weal if (Supreme Being, please go deaf for a moment) she was granted a higher office. But seriously–not being able to fake that question? “Oh, the, uh–Washington Post! Yeah. I’m a big Washington Post reader, yeah.” She couldn’t think of a single, not one single, newspaper’s name, and parrot it to pretend she reads it?
No, those of you out there who are–somehow–still skeptical about the idea that she might actually be extremely stupid? She is. Incredibly. Incredibly. Stupid. She really is. Not to be able to fake her way through a question about what newspapers she reads?
The fact that she made it this far in the process, even just becoming a candidate, bespeaks something very, very, dreadfully wrong with our political system. Even if Obama, a highly perceptive and intelligent man, is elected (please, God–OK, it’s okay to listen now), her very nomination proves (if George W. Bush’s election–twice–didn’t already) that our voters will swallow any person who comforts them, and for half of our voters, that means the character who reminds them of someone as bone stupid as they are. To prove this: on PBS, they interviewed a lady at the Republican Convention. She said that she liked Sarah Palin because–swear to God–”she didn’t use a lot of big words.”
Earth to right wing: being intelligent is Good.
Here’s a fun game:
In the Sit Room: “Ms. Vice President, while the President is recuperating, you’re in charge. Would you like us to (fill in scenario here)?” “Oh, well shoot; why dontcha just (fill in Palin’s response here)?”
Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart
I’m not a political follower by any means but I do enjoy the satire around certain aspects of politics or political key figures. I’m sure you’ve probably seen this one recently – but if not, take a look below, follow the logic and enj…
Aden, I love the flow chart. It’s always nice to meet a fellow quasi-liberal political gamer geek. Hope you don’t mind that I reposted your chart on my site with a link back to the Daily Kos. :)
http://deanish.com/posts/the-sarah-palin-flow-chart
I love, love, love your card! Brilliant work.
best chart ever joe six-pack
Damn, I was more impressed with the speed in which the chart was produced, pure genius. And -hey thanks for the bittersweet laugh.
Hey, motherfucker -
Aden Nak’s Flow Chart bowl of cereal = projectile milk-snort voided ThinkPad warranty
I actually made a noise that, if written out, would be spelled: ghuf-FWACK! Oh well… it was worth it.
Also: congrats on attracting some of teh stoopidest trolltards ever to flail at a ‘submit’ button.
Auhl be baahk… most def’nitely!
~~~~~
McCain – Palin: Live by the Stoopid — Die by the Stoopid