Moosehunter
So, I’ve been quiet thus far, but I figure it’s about time I went moose hunting. So let me start off nice and big for ya, in case there’s any doubt as to where I stand. Sarah Palin is a stupid, self important, ignorant bitch who I wouldn’t put in charge of wiping her own ass. And it’s not just that she’s dumb – which she is – it’s that she’s willfully ignorant of the facts and yet absolutely dead-bang certain that she’s right about her opinions. It’s more of this “governing from the gut” bullshit that we’ve been Chimping along with for the past eight years. I don’t know why it’s a taboo to say someone is too dumb to be President. Hell, most people don’t have the kind of mental sharpness necessary. That’s why it’s so important to pick the right person out of an entire country of potential leaders. But Sarah Palin? She’s not even worth considering. She’s fucking dumb, okay?
And since we’re talking about things you can’t talk about, let’s talk about her pregnant teenage daughter! Here’s now this works. Bristol being pregnant, deciding to keep the baby, and having her little shotgun wedding? I don’t give a rat’s ass. It doesn’t affect my life in the slightest. But it damn well is fair political game, and I’ll tell you why. Sarah Palin supports abstinence only education in spite of the fact that it demonstratably doesn’t work. Don’t believe me? Why not ask the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Public Health Association, the Society for Adolescent Medicine and the American College Health Association. Go ahead and Wiki it. I’ll wait.
The reason that Bristol’s pregnancy is fair game is that her mother is telling America, in the face of any scientific data on the subject, how best to prevent teenage pregnancy. Yet the method she supports didn’t even work on her own daughter. Does that mean people should be making fun of Bristol? No, actually. I kind of feel bad for the girl. It must be rough having such a stupid, arrogant git for a mother.
And she is arrogant, make no mistake. Hell, it’s arrogant enough for her to assume that she could be the Vice President without even knowing what the job entails. But here’s a more specific story that should snap-freeze the hairs on your neck. When she became mayor of Wasilla, she spent around $50,000 of taxpayer money redecorating her office. Which is pretty obnoxious on its own, but isn’t even the bad part of the story. When she was confronted with the radical idea that The People might not give a shit whether she liked the pattern on the drapes, she responded with the sort of self important authoritarianism that makes Dick Cheney soak his own trousers. “I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.”
To hell with the Vice Presidency, she didn’t even understand the responsibilities and limitations of her job as mayor. Her attitude, at any given moment, is that she’s in charge and she’ll do whatever she damn well pleases until someone forces her to stop. I’m sure she sees that as just some red-tape-cutting common sense. And you know what? If you’re in charge of your local PTA meeting, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Wittle away some of the pointless procedure and get things done. Fine. But the Vice President and, I shudder to even think it, the President of the United States can’t just ignore the Constitution whenever it suits them. No matter what the past eight years suggest.
So before I get to her debate performance, I’d like to do a bit of a run down. A list, if you will, of the things we’ve learned about Sarah Palin from her very limited, groomed, handled private interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.
- Sarah Palin isn’t sure what the Bush Doctrine is. She couldn’t even take a wild guess. Everyone who heard her ask “In what respect, Charlie?” knew it, no matter what sort of semantics argument you want to get into over what different meanings that phrase has encompassed.
- Sarah Palin doesn’t know that Freddie Mac and Fannie May weren’t being funded by the federal government before their collapse.
- Sarah Palin thinks that the $700 billion bailout has something to do with health care costs.
- Sarah Palin can only name one Supreme Court case – Roe v. Wade. She couldn’t even conjure up Dred Scott, which even Bush was able to do in the second debate with John Kerry. Speaking of Bush, she couldn’t think of Bush v. Gore. Or Brown v. Board of Education. Or Hustler v. Falwell. Or FCC v. Pacifica (Carlin’s seven words). Or, and this is most stunning of all, Exxon v. Baker – concerning the Exxon Valdez. A case which rendered a ruling during her time as Governer of Alaska, and about which she made public statements in protest of the decision.
- Sarah Palin either could not or would not name a single newspaper or magazine that she reads. She couldn’t think of one. Not the New York Times, the Daily News, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune. Not Time, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Reports. Hell, she couldn’t even think of a local paper in Alaska. Sarah Palin, by the way, has a degree in Journalism. No shit.
- Sarah Palin cannot name a single instance of John McCain favoring regulation of industry, despite being more than willing to lie right into the camera and say that McCain has been championing regulation for twenty-six years.
There’s probably more, but I could be here all night. The point is, she doesn’t know shit about shit. She has opinions – uninformed ones – and she’s sticking to them come hell or high water. I pity the poor bastards that had to prep her for tonight’s debate with Joe Biden. And while I wasn’t taken with her performance, I will give them credit. They made an organized mess out of a disorganized disaster. So there’s that.
The truth is that Palin didn’t answer any questions she didn’t want to tonight, and she said she’d do exactly that at the start of the debate. She had a hand full of index cards and a brain full of buzz words, and it was her job to say them all in front of the camera. Actually, it was her job to say them while looking at Joe Biden for five seconds, then looking at the camera for five seconds, and then looking back at Biden to start over again. It was like she was on a timer. One of the many things she’d probably been coached on after the whole flap about McCain not looking Obama in the eyes.
I choose to leave you (at 4:30 in the morning) with the following flow chart. Doubtless, it will grow prettier and more robust over time.
LOVE the flow chart!!!
But the pregnant one isn’t Trig — I think Trig is the baby.
The pregnant one is… um… Bristle…? Wristbrace? Pacman? Oh, who cares?
I agree with you. One little point: Trig is the new baby, Bristol is the pregnant daughter headed for the shotgun wedding.
Great job with that chart. The Big Orange has you on the Rec’d Diary list this am.
oh crap, commented to wrong post. Please post a tip jar comment in your dKos diary. We’re screaming to tip you!
Awesome. I just found you here via your Daily Kos diary. The peeps are looking for your tip jar over there.
One teency note: the pregnant daughter is named Bristol. Trig is the son.
Great post. I didn’t know that about the Exxon case.
Hey Kossacks! Yeah, posting until 5 AM will make me do things like abuse Find/Replace All and forget to leave a tip jar – though to be honest, I wasn’t sure anyone would find my diary there in the midst of the post-debate meltdown. :P
Glad you all like it!
Great post, and brilliant flowchart. Thanks for posting it at DKos.
The flowchart is fantastic, I’m very impressed. And EVERYONE needs to work to stomp out this opinion that is sweeping the country that just because she didn’t go off on one of her Russia rants, the important thing is that Biden was awesome and Palin did not look qualified in any way shape of form to aspire to the White House. Failing to answer the questions and speaking in bizarre twisted sentences has been what we’ve had for the last 8 years, ENOUGH!
http://palincounter.blogspot.com/
I am loving the flow chart.–Should be required reading for our clueless national press corp. Rock on!
What about Palin making rape victims pay for the cost of rape kits while she was the mayor of Washilla? I was literally speechless when I read that in the New York Times.
Hi-fucking-larious. I forwarded it all the science heads I work with and it’s going over like gangbusters–high praise from brains who look at data all day long. Great site.
Hi,
I bounced over here via Sully. The flow chart is pure brilliance!
monty
Excellent post! I think the flow chart came straight out of McCain/Palin camp debate strategy handbook.
I am so angry that some people actually think she answered questions directly I can’t even write about this yet!
Nice flowchart. I blame the index-cards for this escape. Why are they allowed by the CPD?! I could have debated Biden semi-competently with a week of prep, index cards and ignoring questions I wasn’t familiar with. This debate was a farce.
Everyone on the damned internet is finding your diary. Wonkette, Sullivan, everyone on twitter…
Don’t go to sleep or you’ll miss True Fame.
Great flowchart.. Although I would add a lot more of the “Say John McCain is a Maverick” parts..
That being said, I’m not a big fan of how you express the opinion. Regardless of political views, I highly doubt anybody running for VP could be “stupid”. Anybody that has made it that far deserves a little respect. I’m sure that wouldn’t help your blog, but perhaps respect would help you.
Maybe you should write a post about what seems stupid-er.. Maybe something like a chart showing how someone running for VP could be stupid vs. how someone playing on the “Seraph server along with the rest of the Mystic Knights” with the character name “Esparta” could be more or less stupid.
Your flow chart is brilliance. Thanks for making it!
Hey Aden,
Thanks for the flow chart! You and your readers might enjoy my blog Tyranny of the Mooses ..at
http://www.politicsplace.wordpress.com
Fabulous flowchart. Would it be alright if we used in the in pictures section of my daughter’s web site, “I have more friends on Facebook than Sarah Palin has ever governed”? We would, of course, give you credit and include a link to your blog.
Here’s part of Shauna’s intro to the Group, so you can get the feel for it:
An introduction to Shauna Cooperider:
Hi, I’m Shauna Cooperider and I want to be your next Vice President! It was a dream I always felt was out of reach until the great Sarah Palin paved the political road for the grossly inexperienced.
Let me introduce myself to you, a very little bit, that is. If I am allowed to talk to you too much, my lack of qualifications may overwhelm you, so let’s keep it lite and irrelevant for now.
My name is Shauna Cooperider and I live in Columbus, Ohio which has a population twice the size of Ms. Palin’s great state.
My political convictions:
*I’ve never shot anything or even handled a firearm, but I did run over a squirrel once, and I guess I could learn to enjoy it.
*I do like polar bears. However, I’ve never seen much use for the wolverine, so I vow that if our government ever tries to protect the wolverine population, I will step in and take immediate and decisive action.
*Bridges to nowhere are a waste of tax payer money, and I won’t stand for it, because I’m a Maverick. But I would like to earmark $398 million dollars for a tower to heaven.
*I believe it is wrong to put lipstick or any other cosmetic product on pigs or any other animal. I will remain firm on this issue and will not be swayed by cosmetic industry lobbyists. I do enjoy dressing my dog up in cute outfits, though, because that’s just adorable.
So please, join my group, and qualify me, Shauna Cooperider, to be the next Vice President of the United States of America.
Oooohhhhhhhh your diary will be found. Your excellent flow chart is making the email rounds.
Brilliant!
That flow chart is absolutely brilliant! Way to capture the exact way that she was able to float through the debate. Unfortunately she didn’t have a chance to read the notes she wrote under her sleeve on her forearm.
The flow chart is spot on! Please tell me the general public didn’t fall for the folksy obfuscation.
I love the debate flowchart! Do you mind if I cross-post it on my blog? (With attribution to you, of course!)
You are so right. Her take on (no)sex ed was infuriating enough, but then she opened her mouth and we realized how incredibly stupid she was and I about lost it. I feel my IQ drop every time I listen to her. On a more positive note, where has Joe Biden been all my life? Why didn’t he run 8 years ago and save us all the heartache?
hahahah that flow chart is brillz, almost as funny as this viral classic: http://tinyurl.com/3qcv7a
Just got an e-mail forward from a friend with your flow chart in it! You’ve apparently gone viral. :-)
[...] to Aden Nak for putting together this amazingly accurate and hilarious flow chart that makes Sarah [...]
This post is brilliant. Thank you!!
The Flow-Chart made me laugh out loud for several sustained seconds, which is nearly unheard of these days. Very well done, sir, and Andrew Sullivan thinks you smell terrific. You have, indeed, Gone Viral. Good luck bagging girls now.
Great flow chart!!!
The flow chart is making it across the country. Nice job!
The fact is she didn’t put on much of a show http://www.shitheadery.com/blog/2008/10/not-much-of-a-show/
She recited her talking points and avoided questions she couldn’t address. If people can’t see that they get what they deserve.
P.S. I put your chart on my site too.
Awesome flow chart. I’m listening to the debate now and this is spot on.
I, like so many who are threatening to crash your server today, thanks to the link from Taegan Goddard today, LOVE the flow chart.
One thought: I invite you to contemplate the rhetorical benefit of using “bastard” instead of “bitch” in your opening paragraph about Palin.
Muuuuuch better, to my ear. Gets to the point, with a gender-free twist, by actually highlighting the genderedness of the terms. I don’t see the benefit in the word “bitch” being used for anything other than a female dog. Which, I know, many would argue fits in this case. But I think that just opens the spot-on critique up to an attack. Which it would deserve.
Otherwise: bravo! And thanks for a visual aid that vividly describes what everyone all saw last night.
Great flow chart. I think your going to get some web hits from it. Keep up the good work!
You done blown up! (great chart, btw)
Great stuff. You’re right, Palin is dumb and dangerous.
I don’t know who you are but that flowchart is one of the funniest things I’ve seen about Palin… if I was one for eating cereal in the morning, and reading blogs as I ate my cereal, it would have been shooting out both nostrils. Seriously.
I definitely agree with everything you’ve said about Palin. I’d also like to point out that there’s something wrong when the Presidential candidate is completely overshadowed by the controversy over the apparent incompetence of his running mate.
That flow chart is really funny and completely true, by the way. You should make it available to copy and paste on different sites so it can be circulated more widely!
Great job with the flow chart. came across it through wonkette.
Man I love the flowchart, sheer genius. Allow me to provide at least a spot of comic relief for you today… Sarah Van Palin – Runnin with the Devil !
Your flowchart is absurdly brilliant. I too received it in an email and passed on to 50 others. Great work, and in such a short turnaround.
Keep on fighting the good fight.
Thank you.
I liked the fact that you used a sophisticated feature in your flowchart, non-deterministic branching: from “oh shit. oh shit” the flow goes in two directions. thus enabling an input from quantum effects, personal free will, divine inspiration etc. (not that it would matter much, but this is the point).
I found my way here because I saw your flowchart posted on, of all places, a forum for competitive pokemon battling, and I just want to congratulate you for your satirical acumen.
I think I love you, flow chart maker
You are so right… she is stupid because she chooses to remain ignorant. Even about her own family. That is the only Bush Doctrine she knows.
The flow chart was fantastic and right on the mark!
LOVE THE FLOWCHART- IT IS SPOT ON! BRAVO! I received it as an e-mail with the header “Reconstruction of Palin’s cognitive activities.” Needless to say, I’ve forwarded it to several others.
Got your flowchart from an email as well.. totally hysterical, although I daresay, your blog is even funnier! She is such a dip shit.
And, please, put the little retarded baby to bed. We get it. Special needs, etc. etc. etc. They pass the poor kid around among family members like a prop, instead of having him in bed at 11 o’clock at night. Sarah Palin is a dummy. She should be saying nothing more than “You want fries with that, do ya?” as Obama makes a campaign swing at Wasilla Mc Donalds.
Nice deconstruction chart and commentary. I agree %100.