So, I’ve been quiet thus far, but I figure it’s about time I went moose hunting. So let me start off nice and big for ya, in case there’s any doubt as to where I stand. Sarah Palin is a stupid, self important, ignorant bitch who I wouldn’t put in charge of wiping her own ass. And it’s not just that she’s dumb – which she is – it’s that she’s willfully ignorant of the facts and yet absolutely dead-bang certain that she’s right about her opinions. It’s more of this “governing from the gut” bullshit that we’ve been Chimping along with for the past eight years. I don’t know why it’s a taboo to say someone is too dumb to be President. Hell, most people don’t have the kind of mental sharpness necessary. That’s why it’s so important to pick the right person out of an entire country of potential leaders. But Sarah Palin? She’s not even worth considering. She’s fucking dumb, okay?

And since we’re talking about things you can’t talk about, let’s talk about her pregnant teenage daughter! Here’s now this works. Bristol being pregnant, deciding to keep the baby, and having her little shotgun wedding? I don’t give a rat’s ass. It doesn’t affect my life in the slightest. But it damn well is fair political game, and I’ll tell you why. Sarah Palin supports abstinence only education in spite of the fact that it demonstratably doesn’t work. Don’t believe me? Why not ask the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the National Association of School Psychologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Public Health Association, the Society for Adolescent Medicine and the American College Health Association. Go ahead and Wiki it. I’ll wait.

The reason that Bristol’s pregnancy is fair game is that her mother is telling America, in the face of any scientific data on the subject, how best to prevent teenage pregnancy. Yet the method she supports didn’t even work on her own daughter. Does that mean people should be making fun of Bristol? No, actually. I kind of feel bad for the girl. It must be rough having such a stupid, arrogant git for a mother.

And she is arrogant, make no mistake. Hell, it’s arrogant enough for her to assume that she could be the Vice President without even knowing what the job entails. But here’s a more specific story that should snap-freeze the hairs on your neck. When she became mayor of Wasilla, she spent around $50,000 of taxpayer money redecorating her office. Which is pretty obnoxious on its own, but isn’t even the bad part of the story. When she was confronted with the radical idea that The People might not give a shit whether she liked the pattern on the drapes, she responded with the sort of self important authoritarianism that makes Dick Cheney soak his own trousers. “I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.”

To hell with the Vice Presidency, she didn’t even understand the responsibilities and limitations of her job as mayor. Her attitude, at any given moment, is that she’s in charge and she’ll do whatever she damn well pleases until someone forces her to stop. I’m sure she sees that as just some red-tape-cutting common sense. And you know what? If you’re in charge of your local PTA meeting, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Wittle away some of the pointless procedure and get things done. Fine. But the Vice President and, I shudder to even think it, the President of the United States can’t just ignore the Constitution whenever it suits them. No matter what the past eight years suggest.

So before I get to her debate performance, I’d like to do a bit of a run down. A list, if you will, of the things we’ve learned about Sarah Palin from her very limited, groomed, handled private interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric.

  • Sarah Palin isn’t sure what the Bush Doctrine is. She couldn’t even take a wild guess. Everyone who heard her ask “In what respect, Charlie?” knew it, no matter what sort of semantics argument you want to get into over what different meanings that phrase has encompassed.
  • Sarah Palin doesn’t know that Freddie Mac and Fannie May weren’t being funded by the federal government before their collapse.
  • Sarah Palin thinks that the $700 billion bailout has something to do with health care costs.
  • Sarah Palin can only name one Supreme Court case – Roe v. Wade. She couldn’t even conjure up Dred Scott, which even Bush was able to do in the second debate with John Kerry. Speaking of Bush, she couldn’t think of Bush v. Gore. Or Brown v. Board of Education. Or Hustler v. Falwell. Or FCC v. Pacifica (Carlin’s seven words). Or, and this is most stunning of all, Exxon v. Baker – concerning the Exxon Valdez. A case which rendered a ruling during her time as Governer of Alaska, and about which she made public statements in protest of the decision.
  • Sarah Palin either could not or would not name a single newspaper or magazine that she reads. She couldn’t think of one. Not the New York Times, the Daily News, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune. Not Time, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Reports. Hell, she couldn’t even think of a local paper in Alaska. Sarah Palin, by the way, has a degree in Journalism. No shit.
  • Sarah Palin cannot name a single instance of John McCain favoring regulation of industry, despite being more than willing to lie right into the camera and say that McCain has been championing regulation for twenty-six years.

There’s probably more, but I could be here all night. The point is, she doesn’t know shit about shit. She has opinions – uninformed ones – and she’s sticking to them come hell or high water. I pity the poor bastards that had to prep her for tonight’s debate with Joe Biden. And while I wasn’t taken with her performance, I will give them credit. They made an organized mess out of a disorganized disaster. So there’s that.

The truth is that Palin didn’t answer any questions she didn’t want to tonight, and she said she’d do exactly that at the start of the debate. She had a hand full of index cards and a brain full of buzz words, and it was her job to say them all in front of the camera. Actually, it was her job to say them while looking at Joe Biden for five seconds, then looking at the camera for five seconds, and then looking back at Biden to start over again. It was like she was on a timer. One of the many things she’d probably been coached on after the whole flap about McCain not looking Obama in the eyes.

I choose to leave you (at 4:30 in the morning) with the following flow chart. Doubtless, it will grow prettier and more robust over time.

Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart

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188 responses to “Moosehunter”

  1. Andrew says:

    Tom Dalzell’s response sets out to show that Palin is not as dumb as is made out, and all her lapses he doesn’t refute are due simply to brain-stall. But even if the VP’s functions are symbolic and do not come into play unless the President falls over (which might well be disputed by anyone who has followed Cheney’s role as VP!), even a symbolic figure needs to be able to put two or more words together to mean something that ordinary mortals can understand. The person with the sentence-analysis charts had it right. True, the “rant” is a bit OTT and the language extravagant, but most of the opposing replies are shining examples of American illiteracy and ignorance and best ignored.

  2. Deb says:

    That flow chart is one of the most brilliant and priceless things I’ve ever seen. The accompanying blog was just the icing on the cake. Thank goodness for other people hating Sarah Palin. In my little country half the people don’t even know she exists and just shrug when I try to share my dislike and disbelief. How can one hate Sarah Palin if there is noone to share the hate with?

  3. Dianne says:

    You must be reading my mind! Thank you for putting this together.

    It worries me beyond a level that my blood pressure can stand that America, in its endless stupid quest for folksy, is buying into this vile woman’s spew.

  4. sasori3 says:

    Thank you for this. It made my day!

  5. Kathy says:

    I wish I’d written this – it’s brilliant. (Not to mention the flowchart, which someone emailed to me and that’s how I found your site. I’ve put the chart in my blog, credited, natch.) I live in Canada – believe me, we are freaked at the idea of Palin (and McCain) being in power. We’re in the midst of our own election. There are four national parties, plus a separatist party (the loc Quebecois) vying for election. But even our most conservative party – the Conservative Party (!) – looks moderate compared to the McCain crew.

    Check out some of the blogs collected in The Huffington Post today – some really alarming stuff from people worried that Palin and the other goons are close to inciting violence against Obama.

  6. Randy says:

    The flow chart is pretty funny. I showed it to the many Republicans I work with, and even they thought it was hilarious.
    The important thing to remember is that even many Republicans think McCain is a a cranky old hypocrite, and that Palin is a retard. And many Democrats such as myself think Biden is a complete ass, and that Nancy Pelosi should have her lips sewn shut. Obama seems to be the only one talking about Republicans and Democrats working together, and my Republican friends seem to admire him to some extent for this.
    Let’s not forget that no matter who is in charge, they won’t get JACK SHIT accomplished if the 2 parties can’t stop namecalling, and start cooperating. Obama is the only candidate who understands this, and he understands it much better than do I or the vast majority of people leaving comments here.

  7. Bart Simpson says:

    Tom and Andrew are both right. In some sense, the President and the VP choices aren’t all that important, but in a larger sense, these are the guys that choose their cabinet, and the people that advise them, and that IS important. It also matters if the individual truly wishes to lead the country in a certain direction. Carter was a brilliant guy, but a terrible President because he got caught up in details, and didn’t effectively manage or direct everything that was going on. Clinton (and Gore) were also brilliant, but Clinton was a politician, and knew how to argue the points on both moral (right/wrong) and political grounds, and effectively lead the country in a specific direction. Nixon was brilliant in foreign policy, but didn’t care about domestic politics. Reagan was an effective manager, and right or wrong, directed his cabinet in a certain direction. W has been the opposite; he’s left management of his administration to the VP and his cabinet with little real guidance. In areas like the NeoCon premise of spreading democracy by force, he was able to try it and fail. I do believe that McCain, as good of a Senator that he’s been (I think he’s been a poor candidate, since he wants to win), will be drawn into constructing a cabinet and staff not unlike W. I think Obama will pull in Clinton advisors, and move this country more back to the center. The most alarming thing about this election, is who seriously divided this country is. Half this country truly wants a President that they can like (FDR, Kennedy, and Reagan), and half the country wants a President that can inspire them. It’s not the same thing. How many of your drinking buddies truly inspire you to greatness, but you love to hang out with them? (Put another way, how many future US Presidents have you met in a bar?) On the other side, how many of your bosses, professors, teachers, or whomever, inspire you to greatness, to do more, to be more, to try more, even if you fail? And didn’t you feel incredible when you could engage them in dialogue to truly understand and resolve an issue, concept, or theory? We don’t want to be lectured to, but we do want to be engaged, and feel part of it all.

  8. kc says:

    Love the blog. Love the comments. Love the Flow Chart. You are one brilliant little smart-ass.

    I got my beautiful Flow Chart t-shirt, and wear it with pride!

  9. Amanda says:

    To sum it all up…RIGHT ON!!!

    Palin is as stupid as they come!!! (And I thought Bush had a low IQ).

    This was my first time visiting your site, and now, after reading this, it certainly wont be the last!!!

  10. Carolyn Plotica says:

    Very funny and right on the mark…I agree with you 100%. We’re all laughing but if somehow the pubs pull this election off..we’re going to be scared to death with these 2 in office. Never underestimate the gullibility of some Americans. Afterall John Kerry lost in ’04 after 4 years of the Cowboy. Aren’t cowboys and mavericks sort of similar?

  11. Andrew says:

    So essentially, Dalzell is saying that there is absolutely nothing that Sarah Palin could have said that he wouldn’t have forgiven. It boggles the mind. Sarah Palin is really the right’s idea of an intelligent person. It doesn’t matter what she says or does–if you’re a Republican who looks home-town, you get a free pass. Waved right in.

    Those of us who have actually been to Europe have found their “EuroSocialism” very pleasant indeed. It comes with health care that the poor don’t have to be bleeding to death to receive, comprehensive and modern public transport systems, often very nice subways, in a greater proportion of their big cities than ours, and a currency that could very possibly knock the dollar out of its long-held position as the world’s reserve currency. I won’t mention the vacations that they get to take every year, as I suppose those are bad for business. Europe’s systems are certainly not perfect, but why exactly are we supposed to be living in fear of them again? I for one wouldn’t mind a vacation–and a lot of Americans wouldn’t mind having a permanent job to take a vacation from, again, instead of yet another temp job with no benefits.

    Another cheap attempt to tar Obama by association–but association with a way of life that we find incredibly pleasant.

    Thanks Bart Simpson and Randy (I should mention that I am a different Andrew from the one posting on October 7th; I’m the one who was posting before that, although it seems I do agree with the October 7th Andrew)–one nice thing is that perhaps if Obama wins, and does manage to continue to inspire us, our houses of Congress may cooperate with Obama, so that his mojo rubs off on them, instead of going to war with him.

    @Kathy: I lived in Canada for a year a few years ago. It seemed as if almost everyone I met ribbed me about George Bush, and then said, “sorry about Celine Dion.” Some of them said that they wondered whether George W was going to invade Canada next. I could never quite tell whether they were serious. As to whether you should fear what’s going on down here, I guess that considering half of us voted for Bush and half for Gore, you’ve really got a “glass half-empty/glass half-full” conundrum on your hands. But Go Obama! Perhaps we’ll get our FDR yet. (With his Socialist programs.)

  12. aj2005 says:

    I agree with a lot of the comments – great flowchart. I have one comment to add (actually a request) – Make sure you all vote on November 4th. I see that so many people are angry about what has been going on for the past months and even the past 8 years. Make sure you put that energy to good use and get out there to vote. We cannot have people sitting on the sidelines making comments and not acting on their duty.


  13. sarala says:

    The flow chart is way too funny! Unfortunately like most good humor it rings true.

  14. Andrew says:

    Oops–the “you said it, aj2005” I put on the thread above was meant for this thread.

    But the bit about how ridiculous it is to accuse someone with economics professor Lawrence Summers as his economic adviser, and with uber-capitalist Warren Buffett backing his run, of intending to make the US “socialist”, stands. That has to be read to be believed. Warren Buffett’s and Larry Summers’ candidate, a socialist! Keep trying.

  15. Shari says:

    Talk about ignorant and stupid, you take the cake. You are a misinformed asswipe poisoning this beautiful FREE country that I have always been proud of. BTW, Palin blew the doddering fool Biden out of the water. Indeed, the man is unaware that the restaurant he referred to has been closed for 20 years???? Almost as bad as thinking Roosevelt was president in 1929 and the stupid ass watched it all on television that did not exist. SNORT! The man is delusional.

  16. LaNedra says:

    I LOVE this flowchart! It is so accurate!!

  17. Andrew says:

    White trash rules!

  18. Andrew says:

    …but not with our vote.

  19. Andrew says:

    Warren Buffett _is_ a socialist communist! Because I say so!

  20. Wink Dinklemeyer says:

    My girlfriend said of Biden-“any one that wont look you in the eye is a liar.”

    I said of Palin-“Only a republican will look you in the eye….and lie”

  21. David says:

    the chart of Sarah’s debate thought process is absolutely brilliant! thx for sharing!

  22. I love love love this flow chart (or process map) I will assuredly mention it on my site !!

  23. Lycida says:

    Oh man…this is the perfect way to annoy my conservative gamer geek friends. If only I were clever enough to shop it all to show how Palin can self-skillchain Distortion.

    Not only are you brilliant, you’re BRILLIANT.

  24. Alexsp says:

    Niceб post more plz ! :)

  25. SMITH says:


  26. Charlie says:

    A little like one of those garden gnomes that send their owner postcards from its travels around the world, here comes a standing ovation from Stockholm, Sweden and the happy news that we too have been reached by The Flow Chart!

    It’s pure genius, and I am SO happy that a lot of Americans seem to be seeing the Republican ticket as the huge disaster it is. Someone above wrote Stepford Candidate, that is so spot on. I will be waiting for a spring to uncoil in her back. :D

    In utter seriousness: the woman, and the possibility that she could get very close to power, scares the hell out of me. Keep spreading the word and calling her/their bluff, heroes of DKos, Huffpost etc. Oh, and goes without saying, you now have a groupie in Sweden too. ;-)

  27. Andrew says:

    You know…the way these McCain/Palin supporters yell and scream when they’re disagreed with doesn’t exactly make me impressed. Your candidate is behind. We’ve dealt with 8 years of your W, now you can deal with 8 years of Obama. You’ll live. Why don’t you act like adults about it.

  28. Big Bob says:

    8 years of Obama? What a joke. I see Curious George getting spanked by the man in the yellow hat!

  29. Big Bob says:

    Is there anyone out there who believes this crap and has an IQ that exceeds room temperature?

  30. Ken says:

    I ordered the coffee mug. That’s too good to pass up. Keep blasting away at the chimps (Republicans)

  31. Andrew says:

    Still can’t believe people still claim high intelligence for Sarah Palin. I really wonder what their yardstick is. I’d love to see this person debating with her advisers, a room full of people with advanced Ivy League degrees in international relations or economics, in the event she had to take office:

    Adviser or Cabinet Member: “Madam Vice President/Acting President Palin, our intelligence shows that the Wahhabis are intent on fomenting an insurrection in Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Emirates, assisted by their south Asian guest workers, who want local economies to de-link from the dollar, since importing our interest rate policies also imports inflation. The governments don’t want to do that because the impact on the dollar could hurt their vast dollar reserves. Yet they have no options to mollify the guest workers. Meanwhile, the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan are using their political leverage to lessen our influence in the region, and are likely to conclude favorable terms with any new Wahhabi governments that form in the region. If you approve of our contingency plans, we need to know which one by (date), so that we can enact it in time to stave off the worst-case scenario. Which one would you like to order?”

    Now: which response below sounds more like Sarah Palin’s responses during the debate?

    Acting President Palin: “Well, Option A seems to promise less political fallout and greater consensus among local governments, but fails to address discontent among the guest workers. On the other hand, Option B’s economic aid provides only temporary amelioration for guest workers, leaving in place the structural problems that will cause the problem to crop up again later. Secretary (Name), can you draw up a scenario in which the Gulf and Saudi economies can gradually transition so as to float their currencies against a basket of currencies instead of the dollar, without precipitating a sharp decline in the dollar?


    Acting President Palin: “Um–well when you talk about Afghanistan and Pakistan, which are countries that, I’ve lived in Alaska and have not traveled much, but when I think, when you or someone thinks about foreign policy, we don’t want to go in there all wishy-washy and get pushed around. You want to be someone with their cards, their ducks all in a row as far as standing up to someone. I mean, these are terrorists we’re talking about here.”

  32. mstelzer says:

    Thank you for articulating my rage. Her ineptitude is simply astounding. I noted on day one of her nomination that she was only filling that “firstness” category that the McCain campaign lacked. Here’s how the main McCain campaigns thinking probably went. Obama could be the first black President, well we’ll give ’em the first oblivious Vice President! (Oh, sorry I meant female vice President, Palin often makes me get those two confused.) This strategy may have succeeded if McCain picked someone with significant brain activity, but thems the breaks kid. So his campaign was basically handicapped from then on. Obama, (O)Biden, ’08 (I like saying Obama Obiden so sue me)

  33. k9disc says:

    I saw this on the Rec list at dKos and just got it in a viral email this morning!
    How cool is that?!!!

    Great work!


  34. Andy says:

    I saw this on the Rec list at dKos and just got it in a viral email this morning!
    How cool is that?!!!

    Great work!


  35. Jim9er says:

    Wow, thank God for screaming leftist liberals. Your insight is so heartwarming and appreciated. Reading your blog was nearly as fun as scrubbing my eyes out with a dirty toilet brush. Way to repeat everything Jeanine Garofulo had to say about Sarah Palin. Good job.

    Anyway, congratulations your guys won … duh, that wasn’t hard after a sitting president with an 18% approval rating. Let’s see how your guy handles it. You know he can’t win, right? No matter what he does, his own party will tear him apart like a lamb chop in a gator pit when the plan goes even slightly awry. I don’t envy any of them … frankly, I don’t know why you would want the job right now. Bush never listened to anyone (except maybe Captain Heart Attack), Palin was a dope, McCain could die at any moment, Biden has tasted his own foot more than any other human, and Obama has never had a real job. He’s the “voice of a nation” now, working for the common people, after being a community organizer, a one-term state senator (in one of the most corrupt political entities on the planet), and one term US Senator who was in office all of 6 months before beginning his run for President. He’s black, but was raised by white women and went to ivy league schools … yeah, he’s a man of the people. Honestly, if he was any other color, would anyone have taken him seriously? I don’t think so. Call me a racist if you like, but facts are facts. A charismatic white guy with no experience would never have made it past Billary in the primaries.

  36. Aden Nak says:

    I’ll say this for you, sport. It must have been tricky to fit that much butt-hurt into one post.

    Oh, and welcome to the party. Better late than never, right?

  37. vivian says:

    two years later, it’s still funny, but i think you can replace Palin’s name with “Tea Bagger”…..
    all i can say to those who shout their criticism at Obama (and anyone trying to do their jobs), try walking in his shoes for a mile. bet you can’t even make it around the block once.

  38. […] Courtesy of With some choice words from Aden Nak: I’d like to do a bit of a run down. A list, if you will, of the things we’ve learned about Sarah Palin from her very limited, groomed, handled private interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric. […]

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