Safety First
So, I have a bit of a modest proposal for how to properly assess the war in Iraq. Because it seems to me that no one really knows how we are doing. The White House says that The Surge has both fallen far short of our goals and made significant progress. If I told my manager that’s what I’d done over the past six months, he’d ask me if I was retarded. The troops want to know when they’re coming home, because they don’t see any progress being made. The right wing hacks say we’ll know for sure whether The Surge is working in September, which is what they said about the last surge (two Septembers ago). And Joe Lieberman has assured us that to pull out now would be a disaster. I believe he said that right before he hopped on a plain and got the fuck out of Iraq.
Which brings me to my modest proposal. Effective June 15th, all elected federal officials shall have their offices and workspaces relocated to Baghdad. They can be as far inside the Green Zone as they choose. But all business conducted, all meetings and sessions of Congress as well as all of the functions of the executive branch, must take place inside of Iraq. Surely, our leaders wouldn’t ask the troops (who they support – just ask them) to take any risks they themselves are unable to take. John McCain is certain that it’s safe to walk around in Baghdad without any armor or without an escort. And perhaps if the entire Congress is in Iraq on a daily basis, they will finally be able to accurately access what progress is being made there.
I mean, Lindsey Graham was able to get “five rugs for five bucks”. Think of the savings! On a scant $165,200 per year, a Senator could do quite well for himself (and that figure is before all of the bribes gifts). Surely, our fiscally responsible leaders can see the wisdom there. As it has been pointed out to us time and time again, Baghdad is no more or less violent than many major U.S. cities. Also, since it turns out that much of Baghdad’s infrastructure still needs rebuilding, they’d have access to Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens, whom I’ve heard is quite the whiz with those internets. And finally, it would set a great example for the Iraqi government. Being so close to such a well oiled mechanition of democracy could very well turn the tide. Or is it turn the corner? We’ve turned so many now, I think I’ve lost count.
